How to Host a Gathering to Foster Meaningful Relationships

By Nikki Molumphy

Reflect on the last time you formed a genuine friendship. It’s perfectly fine if it feels like it has been a while–the average U.S. adult hasn’t made a new friend in 5 years even though 61 percent of them say having close friends is very important to live a fulfilling life.

To meet this desire to make new friends, and help you get out of a friendship recession, we’ve created a checklist and recommendations to offer gatherings where people can make new friends and nurture old ones inspired by the book The 2-Hour Cocktail Party, How to Build Big Relationships with Small Gatherings. In this book, author Nick Gray has perfected the formula for throwing two-hour cocktail parties to efficiently and effectively create meaningful relationships. We know that hosting gatherings can be stressful–what if nobody shows up!–but if you follow the tried-and-true checklist, your gatherings are sure to be a success!

“Coffee meetings are one-on-one and take about an hour,” says Gray. “Dinner parties often have four to eight guests and can last an entire evening. But a two-hour cocktail party lets you connect with fifteen people all at once. In the time it takes to watch a movie, you can improve your relationships with a room full of people.”

Checklist for Planning a Cocktail Party, Mixer, or Happy Hour

• Choose a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday evening (7 p.m. to 9 p.m.) roughly three weeks out and put the event on your calendar.
• Gray says three weeks is the perfect “sweet spot” for preparation. It is not too far off but well enough in advance that potential guests should have some flexibility in their schedules.
• Planning three weeks out will allow for inviting more guests if some reject your invitation.
• Choose a platform to send electronic invitations, like Mixily, Paperless Post, or Evite, and title your party something like “Cocktails and Icebreakers to Celebrate Spring.” Construct social proof by assembling a guest list.
• People are generally more available on weekdays, which makes it more likely they will say, “Yes.” Avoiding the “heavy-weight days” of Friday and Saturday nights also decreases the pressure.
• Ending the party around 9 p.m. allows guests to go home early enough without feeling guilty on a work night.
• Host the event at your home since your home is personal and allows guests to learn more about you in a casual yet in-person setting, especially in our digital age. (If your home doesn’t work for you, a park, community center, or an apartment common space are other suitable options.)
• Standing in an open environment (such as your living room) fosters conversation among many people instead of sitting at a lengthy restaurant table that can hinder the spontaneous flow of conversation.
• Invite roughly 15 guests.
• Invite your “core group” first, which includes up to five trustworthy and dependable friends who will make you feel comfortable.
• If possible, have the remaining 10 guests be people who don’t know each other. Strive to add “occupational diversity” to your guest list by inviting folks who work in various industries, allowing for potential networking opportunities.
• Tidy up beforehand and prepare your ambiance with calming lighting and upbeat music.
• Empty your trash bins before your party begins. If your trash bins are full early on, guests may leave their trash on tables, which results in more clutter and clean-up later on.
• Set up your beverage area beforehand with ice, cups, and snacks in bowls. Be sure to offer non-alcoholic options and mixers.
• Upon arrival, offer guests a name tag, which is essential in that they facilitate easy introductions.
• On the name tag, write the guest’s first name in big, black text, and try to ensure all guests wear their name tag so that no one feels embarrassed for wearing one.
• Plan a few icebreakers to facilitate structured interactions from the start and promote a light-hearted atmosphere. Strive for three icebreakers throughout your 2-hour party.
• Use a bell or something unique like a harmonica to grab the attention of your guests before beginning an icebreaker.

Nick Gray’s Party Planning Do’s and Don’ts

Preparation:

• DO: plan your gathering three weeks out so people can plan
• DON’T: send out a formal invitation before confirming that a few key people can attend

Who to Invite:

• DO: welcome friends, classmates, colleagues
• DON’T: invite brand new acquaintances or high-risk business clients

Expectations:

• DO: include information about name tags and icebreaker activities in the event description
• DON’T: make name tags or icebreaker participation optional

Icebreakers:

• DO: go first to set the expectation and ask the person to your side to go after you
• DON’T: randomly call on guests to get them to engage

After you’ve thrown a few of these events, Gray says the benefits of hosting go beyond the two hours of the evening. “Because you’re the one who has the courage to bring people together, you’ll start to build your reputation as a natural connector,” he says. “You’ll get introduced to interesting people, sometimes when you least expect it. It’s one of the most surprising follow-up benefits new hosts tell me about.”