How to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude
We all know that gratitude can uplevel our happiness, but research shows that frequently feeling grateful can also lead to a longer life. One study, which followed nearly 50,000 older female nurses for three years, found that those with higher gratitude scores had a nine percent lower risk of dying, especially by cardiovascular disease. These findings suggest that cultivating gratitude may be a noteworthy strategy for promoting health and longevity.
So, how do we become more grateful? Stanford Lifestyle Medicine’s co-head of the Gratitude & Purpose pillar, Chaplain Bruce Feldstein, MD, BCC says,
“Just like lifting weights twice a week, or eating nutritious meals every day, gratitude is a lifestyle habit that we can practice to promote health, wellbeing, and longevity.”
Different Ways to Experience Gratitude
One approach to feel more grateful is to appreciate the “good” things in our lives rather than complain about the “bad”. Do we covet our neighbor’s new car, or do we recognize the dependability of the car we have? Do we complain about the cold weather, or are we grateful to have warm clothes to wear?
There are always two ways of looking at things, and even though we don’t have control over the amount of “good” versus “bad” in our lives, we always have control over which we choose to focus on. And “focusing on the good” is a habit of mind that we can prioritize and practice—not just for our mental health, but also our physical health.
As a chaplain and spiritual advisor at Stanford Medicine, Dr. Feldstein offers a different, more profound way to experience gratitude. Rather than basing it on external conditions (which won’t always be present), Dr. Feldstein invites us to turn inward and discover the wellspring of gratitude already within us.
“We limit our experience of gratitude when we think we need to be grateful for something,” says Dr. Feldstein. “Instead, we can engage with the fullness of gratitude when we see that it’s an experience of belonging with something beyond ourselves—whether it’s a sense of belonging with a tree, a loved one, or the divine.”
Rather than an isolated event, Dr. Feldstein sees gratitude as an ongoing state of mind and being that we can shift into through dedicated practice. By making a conscious effort to see the world through a grateful “lens” and consistently noticing and appreciating the “good” in our lives, we make progress toward heightening our experience of gratitude.
“I see gratitude as a verb, not a noun,” says Dr. Feldstein. “It’s an action—an ongoing way of being in the world.”
Practical Steps to Cultivating Gratitude:
1. Notice the “Good”
Many of us are busy with responsibilities and long To-Do lists, or we’re too preoccupied with our emotions to see the “good” happenings all around us. Since gratitude is always already within, the first step is to still the mind and soothe our fear, anger, or sadness long enough to stop, take a breath, and notice.
“We can cultivate the habit of being curious and noticing subtle moments of beauty or kindness throughout the day, many of which are unexpected or serendipitous, such as seeing a rainbow or a thoughtful gesture from a stranger,” says Dr. Feldstein.
2. Pause and Dwell in the Feeling of Awe
Even when we’re on a tight schedule, it’s important to take short pauses throughout the day and recognize these “good” happenings, feel the subsequent awe and inspiration, and appreciate them as acts of grace.
“When something wonderful and spontaneous occurs—it’s surprising, we’re not asking for it, it came out of nowhere—this phenomenon can spark a feeling of awe, and when we pause to dwell in this moment, it typically unfolds into gratitude,” says Dr. Feldstein.
3. Allow For the Fullness of Gratitude
Once gratitude is accessed, we can take a few deep breaths and allow gratitude to fill our being. Because of neuroplasticity, taking a few minutes to stop and savor this experience creates new neural pathways and, over time, establishes an attitude of gratitude as a new way of being.
“Gratitude is personal,” says Dr. Feldstein. “In its purest form, gratitude is as close to being human and alive as we can be.”
4. Give Thanks
Gratitude is incomplete without giving thanks. When we are “filled” with gratitude, it must have somewhere to go, which is why we’re often compelled to say, “Thank you.” And when the other person says, “You’re welcome,” the relational loop of gratitude is complete, giving rise to a sense of satisfaction.
To complete this loop, we can also express gratitude by paying the good deed forward to someone else. Or, if the inspiring happening was not related to a person (such as witnessing a butterfly crossing), we can make a charitable donation on behalf of that moment or simply offer thanks to life itself for the blessing.
“To make the practice of gratitude an integral part of our lives, only feeling grateful is not enough, we also need to give thanks,” says Dr. Feldstein. “When we embody this practice of gratitude, we experience a greater sense of wellbeing and aliveness.”
Gratitude Journal Prompt
To help us build the habits of noticing the “good” in life, allowing gratitude to arise, and expressing it on an ongoing basis, Dr. Feldstein offers these questions as a daily reflection exercise:
- What surprised me today?
- What touched or inspired me today?
- What am I grateful for today?
- How can I express this gratitude?
