How to Use Technology to Strengthen Social Connections

By Sophie Burnet, BS and Sharon Brock, MS, MEd

Whether it’s watching your children scroll for hours on their phones or your spouse glued to YouTube videos into the night, you might see technology as an obstacle for social connection.

While we know that meaningful social engagement and warm connections are essential to our wellbeing, there also may be a fear that technology—particularly artificial intelligence (AI)—will cause further damage to our already fraying social fabric.

“AI is powerful, and if not incorporated in a mindful way into our society, it could lead to more isolation,” says Caitlin Krause, MindWise founder, Stanford teacher and author of Digital Wellbeing: Empowering Connection with Wonder and Imagination in the Age of AI.

“AI tools are not going anywhere, and they will continue to grow, so we need to embrace these tools and learn how to use them ways that can bring us together and foster social health.”

Establishing Digital Wellbeing

Whether it’s the rise of AI agents, or people asking ChatGPT for advice as if it’s a therapist, Krause warns that it can be harmful for people to think about AI as if it’s a human, using AI tools for comfort or guidance related to emotional or interpersonal situations.

“Many AI tools, such as ChatGPT, can talk to you as if they are a friend, but they are not,” says Krause. “If you’re giving your trust and vulnerability to something that doesn’t actually care about your wellbeing, that can be dangerous because it could offer bad advice or reinforce negative thoughts.”

Krause spends a lot of her professional time encouraging people to reflect on their own technology use. She guides people to start with their intentions, and then align with attention practices when it comes to tech. Then, there’s more power and agency in our decision loop.

For example, in her Stanford course “Digital Wellbeing: Healthy Relationships with Technology,” she invites her students to consider and journal on the following questions:

• Are you becoming so attached to the AI interaction that you’d describe it as an emotional bond, as if it’s a human being? Do you start to wonder how it will respond?

• How do you feel after you use a specific technology? Do you have more or less energy than before you started? Are you more or less anxious or depressed?

• With the use of technology, do you have a feeling of dignity or shame about your daily habits? Are you using the technology to empower and inform yourself and connect with people or do you feel like the technology is running your life and potentially isolating you?

• How does technology use disconnect you from others, and from the surrounding environment? How could technology use connect you with others and deepen your appreciation for the natural world?

• Are you in tune with yourself? Do you know what makes you “come alive”? How can tech connect you to what makes you feel alive and inspired, or provide the extra time to allow you to do more of that?

If these questions reveal a potentially unhealthy relationship with technology, Krause recommends the following steps to reconnect and establish digital wellbeing:

• Turn off or minimize alerts and notifications on your phone.
• Have tech-free zones in your home (such as the bedroom).
• Start your days with a meditation – still or movement based – to ground and get in touch with yourself first, then engage with technology.
• Keep a daily journal for self-reflection, where you express emotions and can also keep track of technology use.
• Pay attention to your body’s signals (such as, feelings of anxiety, depression, or jealousy) to inform how we are using technology.

“Overuse of technology is inextricably related to mental health for many reasons,” says Krause. “Using technology should be uplifting and empowering. If it doesn’t feel like that, and you start to lose trust in yourself, it’s time to scale back.”

How Can Technology Promote Social Connection?

Tech itself is not bad by nature—technological advancements have also created opportunities to make new friends, inspire wonder and curiosity, and deepen current relationships.

“We’ve all seen how technology has isolated us, but it can also be harnessed to connect people for mentorship or bring together cohorts of people who have common interests,” says Krause. “It can also be used to make current relationships with friends and family more meaningful.”

Here are examples of how people can use technology to foster social connection:

• FaceTime or Zoom calls with children and grandchildren (videos, rather than simply audio phone calls, can deepen the connection)
• Multiplayer games with friends across the country (wordle, chess, bridge)
• Cooperative video games you can play together in live time
• Shared virtual reality experiences (can be browser based on in-headset, exploring new places together, playing games, attending a concert, solving a puzzle)
• Watch parties and gatherings for movies, sports, or shows (with chat features that let you share stories, reactions, and ideas in real time)
• Online book clubs and discussion circles
• Fitness and movement social applications with friends
• Collaboratively building art online together (building musical playlists, making digital art together)
• Legacy keeping: sharing digital stories together with family and friends (creating layers over time, with access to pictures, video, music, written and spoken stories- like a virtual memory box that family and loved ones can explore for years to come)
• Learning together online (taking the same online class and meeting in discussion groups to share takeaways, challenges, and co-mentor with your cohort)

“One thing I love about technology is that it enables me to expand my mind and my access to new experiences. For example, I use virtual reality technology to go explore new places with a friend who lives in France, and it feels as if we’re in the same place,” says Krause. “We’ve been horseback riding in the mountains, and even deep sea diving together.”

Perhaps you haven’t been SCUBA diving in the metaverse yet, but you can still use it every day for social connection, imagination, and novelty – not to mention wellbeing.

“When our brain encounters something new, we rewire and form new neural pathways. We open up new possibilities, and have more reference points to compare to in the future. The ability to explore new places and also access a deeper range of positive emotions has a profound effect on our future state, at all ages.”

Krause believes that we are at a pivotal moment in our society. Since social media has caused high levels of phone addiction, isolation, and mental health issues, Krause believes that we need to prioritise social health and intention as we roll out AI tools.

“The answer is not to simply turn away from technology, because that is unrealistic, and there is too much good to be had to just leave all that digital potential on the table,” says Krause.

“To experience true connection instead of isolation with these new AI tools, we must be intentional and reflective about how we use them; know when to connect with others through a new app, and know when to put the phone down and be fully present with each other, with a fullness of presence and attention that increases quality of life for all of us. That’s our greatest asset.”